Food is my friend and foe at the moment.

Before you read this I want you to know that weight doesn’t matter. This is just how I feel about myself. Beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes.

I am sat here without my top on and I currently feel a bit down. I walk past photos of myself from this year and I don’t recognise myself. I look like a different person. If I do selfies I am positioning the angle of my phone so I look better. It’s tough.

I say all this and I know all of this but I will still eat a whole pack of biscuits, I will still snack and do no exercise. I have never been slim, athletic or muscular in any shape or form but I don’t want to the size I am anymore.

I love food a lot. I have three meals a day, snacks and snacks and more snacks. I have take outs sometimes twice a week, sometimes three times a week. It makes me happy. I eat it when I am down when I am up and in between. I find meals a struggle because I live at home with a mum who rules the kitchen. She cooks meals and we eat it, no matter what it is. I work at a cinema where my hours are all over the place so healthy meals are hard to come by.

I used to do swimming and walking but then I trapped a nerve in my back so I was feeling down and depressed. I couldn’t do any walks or any exercise for a long period of time. On top of that, I was on crutches for 6 weeks and I had a girlfriend who would moan at me and put me down because of my weight. That didn’t help, thankfully she is gone. I now have a very understanding girlfriend who loves me for me as long as I am happy, but I am not.

These are not excuses and I don’t want pity. Writing this helps me get out how I feel. I am around 15 stone which isn’t drastic but it isn’t what I want to be anymore. I have no balance, I eat unhealthy food and I do little exercise. My back does still hurt from time to time so I am limited but it shouldn’t stop me. I want to be happier within myself.

I am going to start eating healthy meals and find an exercise for me. I am not giving up everything I love and I don’t to be a stick man. I have no issue with weight and size, it’s just I need a change in my life. I want to be able to where no top and be comfortable. I want to be able to run without being really out of breath. I want to reflect on this post in a few months time and be in a happier place.

Guys if you have any exercise tips that can be done at home etc please comment below as it will help me out a lot.

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